I was sitting in Ove’s room. He is a colleague and we are always discussing various topics.

“I do not see why some people get upset when someone accuses them. I mean words are just words and can be dismissed”, I said.

“You think you’re so clever. Don’t think for one second that no one notices what a vile, selfish person you really are. Everything you do is a calculated play for yourself.
And honestly? You’re a creep. Everyone talks behind your back about how much they hate you, and frankly, watching you scramble to look wise is just pathetic.”

I got angry. I rose up to punch him in the nose, when he start laughing.

“You see that words can’t just be dismissed”, he said still laughing.

I started also to laugh, although I was still angry. My mind had already conceded. My body still rebelled.

That dialogue stayed with me.

Many years later I was reading Eckhart Tolle’s the power of now. He talked about the conditioned self. I could not grasp what he meant.

Then I remembered my talk with Ove. My reaction to his attack. That was the conditioned self. The built in responses in our hardware.

Another day I was waiting for parking slot on a busy street. A car was about to drive out, so I waited in front of it, so I could back in. When the car drove out, another car drove in and took my place.

Two young men got out of the car.

“That was my spot, I’ve been waiting quite some time for it”

“Well, we took it so there’s nothing you can do about it”, one of them said with a smirk.

When they walked away I was thinking about scratching their car with my key. Then I remembered the conditioned self, and smiled. I drove away and found a new parking place.

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For more essays, see my book  The Kitchen Buddha